Enter: AFadingStar.com

Ladies and gentlemen, its time to announce my moving on of wordpress.com

While I will still be using WordPress being that it is a great blogging tool, I have officially purchased a website.

A Fading Star

Welcome to the real deal, Mike. You’re own website.

Its going to be a great thing.

Hopefully, I’ll get to moving all of my pictures up there and if I have some funny videos, I’ll move those up there too.

So, for the time being, enjoy!

Signing off from wordpress.com,

-Mike

5,000

thats the amount of total views my site has been getting since i started up here at wordpress. (and still counting)

thanks to all of you loyal visitors for checking up on me and seeing how im doing.

and thanks to all of you that read and actually talked to me about whats in my blog even more. i appreciate it.

so. happy 5000!!

Oh my god this hurts like hell

Well, i think its pretty much over.

She typed me a paragraph and we talked via text (yeah. i know. great way to break up, right?) and basically what she told me is that she doesnt really know and its possibly the distance. The uncertainty is quite depressing. Its like being told that you are considered an outcast and not even being given a reason why. Especially when you seem to be fitting in superbly.

Honestly, that’s what i feel like. An outcast. Lost. Confused. Unsure. I never knew that breaking up consisted of all of these things. I mean, i knew that things would be rough. But nothing like this. I know what people mean now when they say they have a broken heart. Its bad.

Another thing..she wants to be friends still however, I’m telling her that she needs to prove to me that she deserves me as a friend. Because currently, I don’t see a reason to be one to her. In a relationship, its important to not only be the boyfriend or the girlfriend, but also the other party’s best friend. And honestly, thats what i would want even if we werent together. A best friend. And i don’t regard a best friend as someone who makes you feel miserable. They’re someone that picks you up when you’re down. Not someone that drops you down to that level and on your face none-the-less.

And you know what i have to say about that? I’ll say it in conclusion and in song..

“Hate is a strong word,
But I really, really, really don’t like you,
I really don’t like you.

Now that it’s over you can’t hurt me,
Now that it’s over you can’t bring me down.”

Thats right. You hurt me no longer.

Oh and btw. I know you’re reading this. So maybe you should think of something to cheer me up or change my opinion of you being that you still care about me. So if you do, you’ll find something..anything. Then maybe I’ll consider friendship.

PS: I’d like to be friends. A lot. I just don’t have a reason to be after i devoted and apparently wasted so much of my time on you to make you happy. Maybe its about time you returned the favor..

“Can’t do this to myself..

..no, i need some help.”

And thats what I got. So, I’d like to thank my friends for putting up with me and listening to me. I got some great advice, and I’m beginning to live the life I lived with her, while i don’t have her. Happy is where i need to be, and no one is going to bring me down because its just not worth it.

To quote brian about my last post, I’m making some great emotional progress, and its true. I went from spiteful, to regretful, to sad, to whatever, to okay, to happy. Which in my opinion is basically how someone who lost someone that was special to them should feel in the beginning. But ultimately, you can’t let them bring you down. You may deep down still love them and resent this, but you can’t let them take over your life and upset you.

Listen to “Hate (I really don’t like you)” cause that’s currently how I feel. Like I said, while I deep down still love her, apparently we ended for a reason. Whether it be because its not meant to be, or its just not meant to be while i’m at college, or its just meant for us to wait till another time to be together. Whatever it is, I can’t be sad about it.

So fuck sadness. Mike is happy. And thats all that matters really.

kthanksbye : )

“Have you ever

..been alone in a crowded room?”

well, i am.

I guess it’s time for another heartfelt entry by me. Sorry kids.

Have you ever had something happen to you that you wish you could change? Just a series of events that you wish you could throw behind you, and just forget about? Not ever have to worry about them ever again? Well. These past couple of days have been very rough on me. And I really can’t help but to be upset about them.

Recently, I’ve lost 2 people in my life that were very important to me. Not through death, but through falling away. Something that i wish never happened. The first was rough, but not as rough as the second. You never realize the value of certain people until they are gone for good. Especially for reasons taht are ridiculous or for no reason at all.

The first was lost to jealousy. jealousy of someone else that i have grown to love to talk to. Someone who understands where i’m at and i just don’t know what i would do without at this time. While, this person is very important to me at this point in my life, the person I lost was more important at the time. She was a great person, and I dont know where i would be today if it wasnt her comfort and affection (non-bf/gf relationship). And honestly, if it wasnt for her support, i’d probably be where i was in january and beginning of february. A mess. So, I guess its a little too late to thank her, even though i know she knows that i was/am grateful for every little thing she did for me and i know she was grateful for every thing i did and said for her. The times when her other half wasnt around to make her feel okay. I miss you. A lot.

Now, for the biggest heartbreak i’ve ever felt. 4 months+ of absolute ecstasy. The best feelings that i’ve ever felt in my entire life. Now they’re gone and unrecoverable except in the memories that bring tears to my eyes. I gave everything and got everything in return. It was probably the one relationship that i never expected to lose completely and now its gone. I can’t really describe in words how i felt about this girl. She was probably one of the most influential people in my entire teenage life. Moreso than my parents. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and now she’s the worst. While i still have feelings that are somewhat strong, I’m starting to come to grips with the fact that they’ll never be the same. Never will i feel the warmth that she provided in my life both physically, emotionally, mentally, and in my soul. Once again, if it wasn’t for her, i dont know how i would have survived the end of my senior year at high school. I love her dearly, but now that its over, all i have left are tear stains and used tissues from being so upset. Yes, my last post was spiteful, but with every problem, your first instinct and tendency is towards anger and spite. I realize that was very wrong and like I said, i’m sincerely sorry. It was wrong, and I know you accept my apology, but it wont do me much justice at this point being that it was over before that entry was really written.

Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a decision to make. Either give up completely or hope for some sort of revival. While my tendencies lean towards optimism and hope, I don’t think my personality can carry me far in this aspect. I don’t think that my feelings will ever be quite the same about anyone. This is why I have hope. Because I hope that she can find a way to love me again. But like I said, I dont think that hope can carry me far this time because i cannot control other people’s feelings.

You may be wondering why we’re over completely? Well, to be honest. I’m not quite sure. I know we had some hiccups lately, but like any couple, shit happens. Its a well known fact. Well, I’m a little confused. I’m sure that the hiccups were the cause of everything, but i’m not sure of a definite answer. When I find out, I’m sure that i’ll post something about how i fucked up or how dumb i am. To be honest, its how I get over myself. Self-pity. Oh well. Such as life.

So there you have it. Two of the biggest heartbreaks of my life. One right before college, and one very recently. So basically, I don’t know what to do with myself. While yes, I’m meeting new people and making new friends, I cannot replace these two people in my life. At all.

An amazing friend, and the girl i love. Those two things are irreplaceable. And those two things don’t care about how I feel really. Its quite depressing. The first just wouldnt listen, and the other is just giving up completely. Honestly, it seems like she moved on during the first fight and just found someone or something. I have no idea what happened to sway her decision towards nothing in a matter of days after we have had the hiccup. Especially when we’ve pulled through some bumps many times. Hell. We came from a GIGANTIC bump. an accident in a way. But a beautiful accident. And hell. To quote Motion City Soundtrack, “You said we were an accident. With accidents you never know what could have been. You say we were an accident. You’ll always be my favorite one.”

I dont really know what to make of any of this. Its just so. Like. Confusing and upsetting. I’ve been basically haunted with nightmares since the first bump. I haven’t had a single happy dream. Which has been leading to restlessness, fatigue, sickness (yes..im lovesick), and just feeling like shit. You seriously don’t think that you could feel the effects of a broken heart that a people describe until you actually experience them. Its probably the worst feeling in the world. I hate it. But theres nothing I can do at this point except put her in my prayers and hope god’s listening and can do me a solid. However, i have shit luck. The one lucky thing I have is gone. So. I’m fucked.

Well. Enough of me ranting. I’ll probably post some more feelings later.

<3?? </3? i have no clue..

“I’m so (And when the rain comes)
I’m so lonely for her (It’ll fall and that’s okay)
I’m so lonely for her, I’m so (And when the sun comes out)
I’m so, I’m so lonely for her (It’s gonna be a beautiful day)
I’m so lonely for her
I’m so, I’m so lonely
I’m so lonely
I am so, All I know is
Why I am so lonely for her
For her”
-Jack’s Mannequin

Beer

I wrote an essay on beer and its effects. Its supposed to be a descriptive essay. But, this is only a rough draft. so comments and corrections and advice are welcome.

let me know!

As I walked in the room, the smell of beer stuck to my nostrils. Another weekend, another party. So goes the college life. And as we all know, you don’t go to a party for the most part and stay sober. However, tonight I chose to because I knew that people were going to need some help tonight getting into bed. But, you have to wonder why kids do this to themselves. It can’t possibly be to have fun, because stumbling around and throwing up what you just drank isn’t my idea of a good time.
A typical part of a college student’s life is going to parties and having a good time. This is absolutely normal, but the part that isn’t is drinking yourself into the ground. College students on average, consume over 55 six-packs of beer (or the equivalent of 330 beers) and a total of $446 on alcohol. This is pretty outrageous. There really is no reason for people to be drinking as much as they do. Even when I go out, I never drink to get drunk, which is the motive behind many college students, and even teenagers. Usually, when they get this drunk, people begin to do dumb things, which I have already witnessed.
When we walked into that party the other night, people were already so drunk that you could tell exactly what they had been drinking by just talking to them and smelling their breath. Cigarette smoke filled the air making it a little difficult to breathe without choking on the smoke. There were already people that were passing out on couches in the living room, and it was quite difficult to move due to the swelling waves of people. You had to keep your arms at your sides and say “excuse me” every two steps just to make sure you didn’t offend an angry drunk. And you also had to be careful that you didn’t slip while walking because there was a thin veneer of beer on the floor.
When all of my friends finally got to where beer was being handed out, they all made sure to grab more than one just so they didn’t have to fight through that ocean of drunken college students that I described earlier. Upon walking back upstairs, people were crowding the bar begging for mixed drinks. This is where you could probably take a breath and get drunk from the fumes of the vodka. People were shouting out drinks and the bar tenders just kept pouring. However, after a while, people started to get out of hand.
While sitting down at the couch monitoring my friends and how much they’ve had to drink that night, I heard a scream and I saw a drink come out of no where and hit a girl completely drenching the girl it was intended to hit and some other innocent bystanders. Two drunk girls began to yell at each other exclaiming words like, “slut” or “whore” and they were even taking shots at each other’s size and weight. It took two large guys to break up the almost fight. Soon after they were separated, the girls began drinking again and seemed to completely forget that they almost threw punches at each other.
Ignoring the amount of alcohol these girls both consumed, why do people get angry when they’re drunk? Sure your judgment is impaired and you aren’t your normal self, but how can you simply pick a fight with someone else for no reason? Seriously. If you get angry that easily when drunk, you should first off not be drinking to completely avoid the problem, or do something with your anger other than use it for fighting. This whole drinking idea seems absurd at this point.
Anger is not the only way that people can get themselves in trouble or just look plain dumb for drinking. We all know the one person that makes a complete fool out of himself or herself when they’re drunk. Me and my friends discovered who this person on our floor was extremely early. Without mentioning names, he lives at the end of our floor in our dorm, Leo. The only reason that people know him is because he is a complete moron when he is drunk. Recently, he came back to the dorm completely trashed and people offered to give him two dollars each to run down our hallway naked. I found all of this out after I stuck my head outside my door to find out what all of the yelling was. When I did, I saw a stark naked man running down the hallway. Is it really necessary to run around naked while you’re drunk?
Once again, this is where judgment comes into play. If you cannot even see straight, it is never a good idea to let people know you are drunk. They’ll take advantage of you faster than the amount of time it took you to funnel those three beers. People just need to realize their limits and if they know that they are not in a good place to make a judgment call, they need to sit down or go to bed. That’s just the bottom line. Don’t do anything dumb or something you wouldn’t do when you’re sober.
Clearly, drinking isn’t as appealing as its made out to be. In commercials, you always see people having a great time, men getting all of the pretty girls, and girls getting all of the attention. However, the one thing they don’t show is later that night when that good-looking guy or girl is passed out on their toilet throwing up. Getting drunk is clearly not as great as it’s meant to seem. So to all of you people that insist on drinking yourself into a coma, please stay away from me. I don’t want to associate with you. I don’t want to see the horrors of drinking first hand. Thanks.

Its funny..

..how things work out.

you can think one thing, but something happens and you feel completely the opposite way.

thats how things are with my ex. i thought i loved the girl, but it turns out, it wasnt that at all. you think you find something, but its just a false illusion. a false sense of the truth. it seemed like things were gonna go well, but its quite obvious to me that things really werent what they seemed.

its an interesting thing, how someone responds to a broken heart. currently, im extremely spiteful. I gave someone my heart, and guess what. it got destroyed. so, i figure the least i can do is return the favor.

while this may seem really mean, its the way life is. dont fuck with someone if you cant take getting fucked back. you’ll all experience it one day. maybe not a broken heart, but just something that someone does to you that is just a huge blow to you. You’ll feel how i feel right now. vengeful. you’ll want to take out your anger at the person who fucked with you.

its human nature really. if someone does something to you, you want to go eye for an eye. i mean, we were all brought up saying not to do that, but when you grow up, do you really listen to that? no. you won’t/don’t. its just human nature. revenge is a part of how we function. we seek revenge to compensate for our loss.

is it right? not necessarily. sometimes it is. you want hte person to know how you feel. if its within legal limits, then of course its okay. but it may not be the best thing to do if you really don’t feel that way towards the person.

however, i’ve established that i do feel this way. i feel like someone reached inside my chest, tore out my heart, and stomped all over it. and i want her to know what i feel. so if you read this, i hope you’re fucking happy with yourself.

but heres the thing. i can always move on. i can find someone else. i’m definitely able enough to do it. to quote my roommate “any guy has a chance with any girl he feels he has a shot with. you just have to play your cards right, otherwise, you’ll fail” which is some advice to live by. same with girls. its just good to know that someone knows what they’re talking about.

now, i swear im not normally like this, but, you also have to take into consideration who this is. this is the girl i thought i loved and i thought loved me. that wasnt true apparently.

and honestly, oh well. i can give what i have to offer to anyone else that wants it. i wont give it to anyone that easily cause i refuse to go through this again.

and btw, if you decide to come back to me, you better have a good excuse for this and why you want to come back. and MAYBE i’ll consider it. you need to prove you want me. cause i feel unwanted. and thats not how i deserve to feel.

and if you want me as a friend, you better make your case. cause currently, im not liking you at all.

sorry. but you brought this upon yourself.

have a nice life.

Can we please discuss

..how the format’s song, First Single is so effing amazing?

cause its so effing catchy!

“Cause all you really need
Are a few good friends”

is probably my favorite lyric from the song. cause its so true.

i <3 these guys.

cant wait to see them in october!!

ughhh

i feel like ass today

on top of being tired, im in a horrible mood.

things just are getting fucked up like crazy, and i’m not liking it at all. ughhhhhh

someone wanna cheer me up?

facebook

is so stalkerish. its not even funny.

join this group and invite all of your friends.

lets fight against facebook!!!

CLICK!!!