Oh my god this hurts like hell

Well, i think its pretty much over.

She typed me a paragraph and we talked via text (yeah. i know. great way to break up, right?) and basically what she told me is that she doesnt really know and its possibly the distance. The uncertainty is quite depressing. Its like being told that you are considered an outcast and not even being given a reason why. Especially when you seem to be fitting in superbly.

Honestly, that’s what i feel like. An outcast. Lost. Confused. Unsure. I never knew that breaking up consisted of all of these things. I mean, i knew that things would be rough. But nothing like this. I know what people mean now when they say they have a broken heart. Its bad.

Another thing..she wants to be friends still however, I’m telling her that she needs to prove to me that she deserves me as a friend. Because currently, I don’t see a reason to be one to her. In a relationship, its important to not only be the boyfriend or the girlfriend, but also the other party’s best friend. And honestly, thats what i would want even if we werent together. A best friend. And i don’t regard a best friend as someone who makes you feel miserable. They’re someone that picks you up when you’re down. Not someone that drops you down to that level and on your face none-the-less.

And you know what i have to say about that? I’ll say it in conclusion and in song..

“Hate is a strong word,
But I really, really, really don’t like you,
I really don’t like you.

Now that it’s over you can’t hurt me,
Now that it’s over you can’t bring me down.”

Thats right. You hurt me no longer.

Oh and btw. I know you’re reading this. So maybe you should think of something to cheer me up or change my opinion of you being that you still care about me. So if you do, you’ll find something..anything. Then maybe I’ll consider friendship.

PS: I’d like to be friends. A lot. I just don’t have a reason to be after i devoted and apparently wasted so much of my time on you to make you happy. Maybe its about time you returned the favor..

“Can’t do this to myself..

..no, i need some help.”

And thats what I got. So, I’d like to thank my friends for putting up with me and listening to me. I got some great advice, and I’m beginning to live the life I lived with her, while i don’t have her. Happy is where i need to be, and no one is going to bring me down because its just not worth it.

To quote brian about my last post, I’m making some great emotional progress, and its true. I went from spiteful, to regretful, to sad, to whatever, to okay, to happy. Which in my opinion is basically how someone who lost someone that was special to them should feel in the beginning. But ultimately, you can’t let them bring you down. You may deep down still love them and resent this, but you can’t let them take over your life and upset you.

Listen to “Hate (I really don’t like you)” cause that’s currently how I feel. Like I said, while I deep down still love her, apparently we ended for a reason. Whether it be because its not meant to be, or its just not meant to be while i’m at college, or its just meant for us to wait till another time to be together. Whatever it is, I can’t be sad about it.

So fuck sadness. Mike is happy. And thats all that matters really.

kthanksbye : )